ricky - the main character. tall, dark... and dark.
rochester - the secretive brother of ricky. nobody can see him in pictures.
camillah - ricky's friend. she cooks.
rosannah - ricky and camillah's friend. she's big boned.
jesebelle - camillah's classmate in college.
connie - lodge owner
gesmundo - connie's boyfriend. he's a foreigner of unknown origin.
tita anette - connie's mom.
junalyn - connie's five year old secretary.
tita gandah - rosannah's mom.
tito manolo - gandah's brother.
SCENE I
life is like a box of chocolates... you'll never know, you'll never know. that's what ricky never knew until it was almost too late, just seconds before the storm came and the dam broke. but i'm getting ahead of my self. let's go back to where it all began - in the islands of coron, palawan... aboard a small boat in the middle of the sea.
jesebelle: i don't want to go back to manila. palawan is so pretty i can live here! and people who look poor here aren't actually poor. they just look poor.
camillah: ahahaha! the poor people in manila can't even ride the taxi because of the new fare rate.
ricky: buti nalang we don't mind, no?
rochester: i feel a storm coming... and it's gonna be baddd.
ricky: huh? what storm? and how do you know? ikaw ba ang PAG-ASA? (are you PAG-ASA?)
camillah: ahahahah! if he's PAG-ASA, the weather forecast is probably wrong.
rochester: i know it's coming because i'm constipated. we've been here for 20 days and i still haven't jebs (crapped).
jesebelle: ewww...
rochester: something bad happens when i'm constipated.
ricky: why don't you snorkel now and crap it all out? i'm sure the fishes will appreciate it.
rosannah slept through the whole conversation.
SCENE II
Connie's Lodge, Coron, Palawan.
junalyn: but i just wanna be friends with you guys! why do you have to call me bakla (gay)?! i'm just a sweet and innocent little girl!
rosannah: get away from me junalyn! i'm not the one who said you're bakla. it was ricky!
junalyn looked daggers at ricky and threw pots and pans at him.
ricky: stop it junalyn or i will shave your eyebrows and take the highlights off your hair!
junalyn despaired. not knowing what to do, she cried and walked out, strutting her tiny little butt. before she got out of the room, she looked back at them, eyebrows in a knot. and then continued walking out... then tripped. she didn't see the hump on the floor. but she stood up like any disgraced beauty queen and went on her way. she cannot lose her dignity.
but junalyn came back after 30 seconds. because she forgot her purse.
SCENE III
connie: why did you call junalyn a bitch?
gesmundo: because i was jealous! she always hugs you!
connie: junalyn is just a kid. why would you get jealous with a 5 year old girl? but you know what, i don't need you. i have boylets like the father of ethel booba's kid and --
gesmundo: stop it! stop it!
tita annette: you stop it, gesmundo! why don't you work hard instead of hovering around connie all the time? look at me, i'm 70 and i'm still a beauty and work hard for a once famous actress and producer who's also a friend of zsazsa gabor! i even once bumped into britney spears while shopping with my boss!
ricky: serously, tita? but that's fantab!
connie: ricky? what are you doing here? this is a family affair!
ricky: oh, i heard you were talking about ethel booba. she was a hot topic in The Buzz last month. so, what's the score?
AHHH! rochester was screaming in his room. ricky ran away from the drama to check on rochester.
ricky: you bitch! i was getting a juicy showbiz scoop! what's your problem??
rochester was in a fetal position, crying.
rochester: it's coming, it's coming...
FINAL SCENE
tita gandah and tito manolo picked rosannah and the others at the airport. they were driving in
tita gandah: so, how was your trip?
rosannah: it was so nice! palawan was so...
but ricky couldn't hear anything. he realized what rochester foretold. the storm came after all. it was the first since his bloody field trip in high school, and it's happening all over again. cold sweat dripped from his forehead. thunders rumbled in his stomach.
ricky: matatae ako (i'll crap).
rosannah: not in our car!
jesebelle: can you wait till we arrive in my condo? it's only in ortigas...
ricky: i kent... lalabas nah...
there were tears on ricky's eyes and he was holding the door handle hard.
tito manolo: wait!!! there's a light... the shell gas station!
tito manolo drove fast. rosannah quickly took a pack of wet wipes and a bottle of alcohol from her bag and pushed them to ricky.
rosannah: go!
tito manolo: but we're stuck!
ricky: meet me at the gas station!
ricky jumped out of the car and braved the incoming vehicles. diarrhea can't defeat me, he thought. he reached the gas station and went to the toilet... but the cubicle with the bowl was locked.
EPILOGUE
ricky went to the parked car. he was spent but there was a smile on his face.
ricky: success...
tito manolo grinned.
tito manolo: it's a good thing the cubile was open, noh?
ricky: it was locked but i crawled in the space underneath the door.
camillah: why was it locked? may tao ba? (was any body there?)
ricky: yeah, but it threw him out.
rochester: kewl.
ricky: but you know what? i learned something today...
rosannah: what?
ricky: 'wag mong punasan ng alcohol ang pwet mo, masakit pala (don't wipe your ass with alcohol, it hurts).
THE END
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