undoubtly, it was...

Today is the first time in so many years that I thought about my high school. I mean, really think about what happened and how I feel about them. I just finished watching MTV’s Awkward, and I couldn’t help but laugh about the fabulous villain, Sadie, and then feel giddy about Jenna’s teenage love affair. I feel involved in their little universe that's constantly conspiring to make them happy and sappy and excited and in love. I enjoyed watching it, but at the same time, it made me think about former mistakes and the things that I've missed as I sway to the tune of High School Life by Sharon Cuneta. Deep, I know.

I didn’t study in a science high school or arts high school or any big university high school. We didn’t have enough money for me to go a nice big public high school that’s one hour away from our home. We only had enough for me to study in a public high school in our little town, which I had difficulty telling people about because they wouldn’t know where it is and I was sure that when they hear its name, they’d immediately think it’s somewhere up in the mountains, which isn’t far from the truth. There was one time in college when we were made to introduce ourselves since it was the first day of class. All my classmates were freshmen so they said where they graduated from. I was a junior at that time so it was convenient for me not to tell where I went. I was such a coward. After that, I felt ashamed and promised myself never to do that again.

The thing is, I’ve never really been fond of my high school experience. For me, high school was too real, too boring, and sometimes cruel. Nothing exaggerated, really. No slushies thrown on my face or nasty rumors spread about me, like abortion or something. Except… Two teachers got pissed at me for being stupid. I had nasty confrontations with three classmates about not being an equal-opportunity exam cheater, not being a responsible “cleaner of the day,” and being a war freak (I wasn’t war freak, I was just misunderstood. Lol). And lastly, one carabao of a classmate tried to “out” me on several occasions. He couldn’t understand that it was not the time yet. I mean, I haven’t even had the opportunity to read gay literature at that time! And by literature, I mean something sociological and psychological (just to be clear, haha). I was informed a few years ago that that classmate became a security guard. Well, I don’t think it was karma because I didn’t expect much from him anyway.

My biggest dud in high school, however, was looking and feeling awkward. I already had my YM magazines and Dawson’s Creek, but I’ve never really looked the part of a care-free, fashion-forward, emancipated teen. But then again, I didn’t have money to buy the right clothes or the life experience to be confident enough to look confident. And maybe, the Philippine climate is just too hot for me to act cool and wear layered clothing, which incidentally, is one way to look really cool. Compare:

The picture on the left was intentionally made blurry so not to offend you.

So anyway, I guess high school wasn’t just for me. I mean, college and my “adult” years were a lot better – I've met fascinating people, I've been to breath-taking places, and I've spent what I've earned on clothes and gadgets and food and books. But as of now, I’m still undecided about lots of things. I can’t really see what my future is, I’m still conflicted about how I feel about people around me, I’m still being told what to do, and so forth. And come to think of it, I hate to say this but, I have a feeling that this is very much like high school. I think high school is a portal where nobody ever leaves. Oh well, maybe I’ll just take it as it is. Or maybe… I’ll do something grand or tragic just to end this cycle. Ha!

But for now, while I’m still thinking of how my life should progress, I think can start by being a little fashionable. This year is our tenth-year anniversary since graduating from high school so this must be a sign from heaven to restart things right, one outfit at a time.

Fashion inspiration from The Sartorialist: